Why Listening Is More Important than Lecturing?
As parents, we tend to want our children to come to us when they’re having some issue, a bad day at school, a mistake they’ve made, or a question they’re afraid to ask. But the reality is, children don’t tell us because we are their parents. They reveal things when they trust us. And trust doesn’t develop in a large moment. It develops in small, everyday moments of conversation.
What Open Conversations Really Look Like
Open conversations aren’t forced or formal. They typically occur in between, while driving, setting the table, or at bedtime. What matters, though, is how we react in those fleeting moments.
Here’s what worked for me to develop deeper trust with my child:
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Create a Safe Space to Talk
Kids learn how we respond. If they get judged, cut off, or rushed, they’ll clam up. When my daughter once confessed to fibbing so she wouldn’t disappoint me, I wanted to respond but I opted to remain calm and simply listen. That one instant created an opening for countless future open and honest conversations.
- Be accessible.
- Don’t respond with anger or disappointment.
- Allow them to finish speaking before you respond.
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Normalise Talking About Emotions
Your child will be more likely to trust you when more serious problems arise if they learn that it’s acceptable to express their feelings.
You may say:
- It’s acceptable to experience anxiety prior to tests. I used to feel that too.
- “You seem upset. Want to talk about it or just sit for a while?”
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Make Time for Casual Conversations
Not every discussion needs to be about “issues.” Mere conversation about their favorite TV show, that one time at school when something was hilarious, or what they’re thinking will build connection. And trust may begin with small talk.
- Make bedtime a check-in time.
- Talk to someone when you’re driving or walking.
- Never wait for them to start a conversation.
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Express Your Feelings Honestly
We become human when children realise that adults are flawed and have feelings too. Use age-related examples from your own life.
- “I recall how scared I was with my first presentation.”
- “Even I have days when I’m feeling down. It’s totally normal.”
5. Observe Their Privacy
We don’t have to pry into every detail just because we are parents. Be accepting if they say, “I’m not ready to discuss that.” Inform them that you are available when they are.
Concluding remarks
Being consistent, composed, and approachable is more important for building trust with your child than having deeply serious conversations every day. Your kid will eventually begin to view you as more than just a parent, but as someone they can turn to without apprehension.
And don’t forget, it’s not about saying the right thing, it’s about being willing to hear without fixing, judging, or hastening.